After a threat I received from my ex girlfriend last month I am forced to make a decision. It is one that over the last month that I have weighed heavily on and a decision that I feel I am now forced to make.
Last month my ex sent me an email telling me that if I attempted to see my daughter again she would tell them the the things I liked in the bedroom. My daughter’s adoptive parents are conservative Christian, so for me this is a very real, and very devastating threat.
Those that know me know how much I love my daughter, and know how much I cherish every moment I get to spend with her. They also know that my biggest fear is loosing any chance of having a relationship with her. This past month has been a very difficult one for me, filled with fear and anger over the situation.
I’ve always felt what consenting individuals do in the bedroom is between themselves and no one else’s concern. I really don’t care if your straight, bisexual, gay, straight, asexual, poly or something different from above. I’m Christian and I’ve held that belief for a while, although I do on occasion wrestle with it.
So in order to take the power from my ex, who has outed me before to clients of mine and threatened to out me to the City of Kalamazoo where I served on the Transit Authority Board of Directors I am outing myself. I am also outing myself for my own peace. This way I no longer have to worry about what friends, family and my daughters adoptive parents will think if I do get outed. This way I know.
My ex and I lived a D/s relationship. I’m not going to go into details other than to say and what not other to say I know how to use most of the props in 50 Shades of Gray (which frankly is a very abusive movie, nothing like the real lifestyle) that it began consensually and ended with her violating consent on numerous occasions. She violated my consent and trust by involving others which violated my boundaries and did so in a unhealthy manner that exposed myself and her to unacceptable health risks.
I frequently requested her to stop this and she would, for a short time and then continue. At times she would run off with guys for weeks at a time and then come back. I don’t know to this day why I would let her back, perhaps it was because she at that time used the same threat she is using today – to tell my daughter’s adoptive parents.
So yes, I liked different stuff in bed than most people. Sadly in this day and age people that like things other than the social norms do face risks of persecution from family, friends employment, housing and all other stuff. But by posting this publicly it removes the ability of my ex to have any sort of control over me. Now everyone knows. The rabbit out of the hat, and she can’t use it anymore. The one thing I didn’t think she realized though is now everyone else knows it about her too.
I’m expecting that by posting this many people will no longer speak with me, and while I will hurt for a bit I will be okay with it because I am okay with who I am. When my daughter’s adoptive parents read this I hope they will realize that what me and my ex did in the bedroom has no impact on how we love our daughter and I love my daughter no matter what.
One thing I will say is I learned why you should wait until marriage and I plan on doing so at this point.